Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Insomnia

I have been wandering around my house late at night. Sleep is eluding me and the deceptive silence of the night does nothing to calm my fears. I fear the unknown, what comes after this. I fear for my friends, stuck in "danger zones". I fear for the economic situation. I fear for the people who have lost their homes. I fear for the students who wonder if school will resume next year. I fear... and I cannot sleep. I try to distract myself so i'm too tired to think and when I finally sleep, it is only to find that it is morning all too soon and we are still stuck in the same situation.

Yesterday I painted my fingernails pink. It is an act of protest. I refuse to be sucked in to this war. I refuse to let it get the best of me. This self imposed confinement will not break me, not yet anyways. For someone used to going to Beirut daily, the Metn area is growing dull. I refuse to be one of those people who think that Dora is the Lebanese border. Lebanon is a place buzzing with life, and no matter what state we are reduced to after this war, life will still emanate from every fiber of its being. I want to conquer my fear. I want to sleep. I want to dream.

4 Comments:

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