Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Ramblings of a pre-occupied mind, oblivious soul

It seems that all my life I have been looking for stability, security.... Why? I don't know... I never thought of myself as unadventurous... but I find myself always looking for a home, for a bond...

I have several fears... one is of being lonely and alone... the other is growing old and losing sense of my surroundings, myself... becoming a burden to those around me... I fear i'm not the best I can be... I fear trapping myself in what I want, that what I want eludes me...

But I don't fear fighting for what I believe in... I don't fear honesty, or hard work...

I have come to embrace my tears... but now they no longer stop flowing...

I have come to love my country... but now wonder why I am still here... where it not for my loved ones, my commitments... I think I would be packing my bags now..

I fear I am settling in too soon... I want to discover, I want to shine... I want to be happy...
I want to be content... and I sound like a child... but I grew up a long time ago.. I have accompanied close family members in their final stages, when life is no longer adventure, but one more day that slowly drags by... and I have watched my idols fall from their pedestal... and I love them no less, but I have discovered that each day you have to decide to love again, and I will never take that for granted.

And I have come to accept my imperfections, and am amazed that people love me despite of them.. and I know that even though I do not see life through rose-colored glasses, I can never give up on hope.


At Wednesday, June 06, 2007 , Blogger Lori Witzel said...

Ah, gosh, wish I had that cup of tea at hand for you.

I hope you have been able to stop by my virtual corner of the world and enjoy the lizards, and the damselflies, and the heavy yucca flowers.

Once, I asked a good friend why he thought I felt so much more at home and at peace in the woods, where so many other people feel nervous ("Ooh, there's a snake -- will it bite me?")

He replied, "The animals and insects and plants don't want anything from you...you can just *be*."

He was a very wise friend.


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