hopeful beirut

time capsule clean-up

entering into a room which has kept watch over so many loved ones in my family, and where i now surrender to a deep slumber every night... looking around at the clutter, outer manifestation of inner turmoil, and i start to shift... through the bags and boxes, the papers and dreams, the memories long forgotton, and those that bleed still...

each object a time capsule, with embedded emotions and achievements, each piece expecting to survive the clean-up and not be thrown away, into oblivion and forgetfulness...

yesterday i got rid of excess baggage, and at some point it tricked me into believing i was ok, immune, and i could deal with it all... it wasn't until nightfall that i realized the toll it had on my heart, and how it had kept me in the house all day, and how it had made me feel so sad...

goodbyes never leave me untouched... they have an aftertaste depending on their circumstances... bittersweet, if they're inevitable...  sour, if they're forced...spicy if they're for a short while... and cold if they're forever...

in that jumble of things i said goodbye to a person and our dreams together and also to an organization and my growth within it... and just like that, i felt stripped of some pillars of my identity...

and now the room is tidy again, everything meaningful has found a new place and some have kept their old positions, but the overall energy in the room has changed... there is now place to plant new dreams, and space to experiment...  an awareness that only comes by letting go...

posted by hopeful beirut @ 08:10