If I could, would I?
For some it is an option, for others a reality...
When in old age, memories are blurred and the vision of the past replaces the present...
When the future is a constant journey backwards, where fantasy and reality play hand in hand to create disillusionment and confusion is the ultimate prize...
Everyday starts in a memory of a place, which in the present, is no more... And everyday, the journey to the familiar starts anew.
If i could, would i?
Would i relish the promise of new horizons, or mourn those i passed along the way? Would i embrace the unknown or pine for the comfortably secure? Would i become a nomad or a madwoman? And would i surrender to the reality or fight against it?
What people or objects characterize my home? Would there presence be sufficient to keep me moving forward? Would i journey back to my "house" every night, or will my new destination become my "home"?
If i could, would i? I may not be lucid enough to know...
Of assassinations and dreams
Red, oozing, unsatisfied...
Seeping, staining, marking, changing...
White, disappearing, fainting...
...into a crowded, over-saturated competition
Future prospects? Unclear...
This freedom which we seek is elusive, beyond reach, always dependent on something or someone... no bigger picture to hang on to...
Lebanon is stuck in a permanent funeral procession... Once dubbed the beacon of free speech, it has been silenced, drowned out by bomb blasts and machine guns, ambulance sirens and bells in mourning...
Shall we forget? Or just repeat? Or even better, pretend?
Are we building the future or dismanteling the past? And have we the strength and conviction for either?
Of assassinations and dreams, of people, who, in a moment of strength, put aside their differences and came together... and have been fighting ever since...
One nation with several sects, one spirit with several visions, but only one life/person and only one death, one chance for redemption.
And only one country to fight over and to fight for...
Are we doing the former or the latter? And in doing so, are we thinking beyond our selfish needs?
Politicians are playing poker with stakes that are not theirs, but those of future generations who have the right to live in a country which is free and where their dreams can become reality.
However, we are silently standing by, watching them lose hand after hand, at a game they can never win, building up a debt which they won't repay at the expense of the people who will follow them blindly, to the edge, where they will be left hanging... while their representatives move on to another game.
Professional Mourners
It seems we have become professional mourners, ready to prepare a grand scale funeral on short notice. Our closet is composed mainly of black clothes, and our flag is permanently placed in our car's trunk. We are used to crowds, to processions, to the whining siren of the "death" car and to that unquenchable sadness... All our preparations can not bring them back, it can only serve as a sending off, a tribute to one who will be greatly missed.
Goodbye, goodbye dear man... words are depleted and all i can say, is look out for us, when you're looking from above... and pray, that the country for which you died will live on...
[in] dependence
We are supposed to celebrate our independence today... Which one?
Remind me of this event which is supposed to celebrate our freedom, our ability to make our own decisions... where we will live free, in our country, with our heads held high..
Remind me of this country which we are not supposed to leave... where we are supposed to feel safe enough to invest time and money and effort and love... where we will raise that which is most precious to us, our families...
Remind me...why tears of blood pass unnoticed on the cloth of freedom... and why the only course of action is elimination, not discourse, dialogue, or debate...
Remind me... should i forget, of this high cause where so many have been sacrificied...
It seems to me that we have been caught [in] our dependence... and mistake it for independence...
Nature Reversed
How i wish this blog had been given the chance to sink into oblivion, to remain as a sweet aftertaste of candy after a bitter meal. However this has not been possible ... what is happening is unfair, so UNFAIR...
Fathers mourning their sons...nature is reversed, and the future is nipped in the bud... no matter who he is, no matter his political inclination, he is first and foremost a young man, a human being, a father, a brother, a son...
We all wished that the serial assasinations had come to an end, that political representatives would be able to get to work safely. It seems we have the highest mortality rate on the road from accidents unrelated to cars...
We're being cynical, we're tired, we're sad.... we see a young man lying in a coffin, wrapped in a flag, held on the shoulders of his friends, raised high above the crowds... white ribbons, representing life, young blood, spent. Tears are trapped, tears overflow, in the silent recesses of our being... we are being eroded; our morality and our humanity are eaten away by the acidic, horrific series of events that have marked in blood the wish of a nation to be free. But is this freedom? Is this high priced commodity even within reach? Prayers fill the air, chants mumbled seeking peace and redemption for a soul already in the hands of God... Leaving the living numb...
Time Capsule
"My love, 3 years we've been together, but numbers do no justice to the certainty with which you know me, all the way to the bottom of my heart and soul, where I hide my tears, my fears, my secrets and my dreams... You have ventured there, you were brave, and now, you are mine forevermore, as I am yours..."
I contributed to a Time Capsule set up by Yahoo, where submissions to various themes, including love where requested...
Someday in the year 2020, perhaps when email becomes what fax is now, i will receive a reminder, and will look back on this contribution... I hope it will still be valid. You know, it is hard to seriously consider the future while fully living out the present. That does not render our fascination with ours/and others progression in life any less. Stumbling onto a piece of the past is like uncovering a little treasure, an insight into the events that shaped us into the people we are today.
To my love, I mean every word, they're not put together just to rhyme... And I know we're in for a tough time, but i'm sure we can withstand the test of time and people and...I'm scared sometimes, when I think of my masterplan for my life, and how so many things don't depend on just me, and can therefore go wrong... and then I think that I can only do my best, the rest is not up to me anyways... I hope that when that day comes in 2020, we'll be sipping coffee in our loft, under that beautiful wood arch you built me, and smile... and kiss... with no regrets...
Goodbye
Goodbye, till we meet again,
in a place where there is no pain and no suffering.
Goodbye, till we meet again, little angel of mine...
Stormy skies weep your passing, even the sun wears a black veil...
But every now and then a ray of hope slips by, unannouced..
and it reminds me that this goodbye is not forever...
That i carry you with me always...and that you live on through me...
dedicated to Maya-goodbye
