Leaving on a jet plane
Leaving in a few hours, going to Paris to participate in a camp called The Living Stones... Next post will be in the new year... can't believe its 2007 so soon!
Christmas?
A cold breeze ruffles my hair, and I pull my coat tighter around me, but autumn is still here, refusing to leave and concede its place to winter. The season of dead leaves and bare trees has grown attached to our land... Maybe winter is still at bay because the sky has no more tears left to cry in the rain... I look around me and see scarcely decorated streets, looking gloomy and undressed without the many Christmas lights and trees and stars; crying out for people to fill the void, for carols to fill the air, and for a sense of security and peace to reign.
This year, there won't be snow in Lebanon at Christmas time. The mountain tops are still brown and gray and their rocky slopes are devoid of that special icing that makes the moon shine brighter and reflect their whiteness. Many people are without homes, family members, supplies, not to mention gifts... This Christmas... it will be a long time forgetting this Christmas...
First and foremost Christmas is reflected in feelings of hope, joy, understanding, and promises of better tomorrows...
Christmas is a time for sharing and caring and listening...
Christmas is a time of LOVE and rebirth...
From the social to the personal level, Christmas is elusive. Maybe it is caught in the post, maybe it was re-routed somewhere else, maybe the north star isn't shining as brightly as it used to... I don't know... But Christmas... is not here this year... yet... will it arrive on time?
To catching up + keeping in touch
A stroll down memory lane takes me to my Sweet 16, first time in love with a french guy who was here for the summer. For one year, mails + phone-calls went back and forth between 2 continents, 2 countries, and 2 hearts. Then the inevitable breakup occurred: wrong timing, wrong place... and we went our separate ways...
I talked to him today, for the first time in a long time... it felt so good to know that i was a sweet memory in his mind, someone he never forgot and still respects, as he is also frozen in my mind as a great person with an honest and generous heart.
Dedicated to Greg
Blank.Bland.Bare.
Blank
Memorial of a visionary
I can't breathe
I can't think
Bland
Colors become grey
Sounds become noise
I'm socially numb
Bare
Stressed out heart
Silent mind
Soul in flight
Dedicated to Gibran Tueini
Coveted Toy
A battle of wills between two spoiled children, fighting over a coveted toy. Each holds part of it, and in the tug of war, the toy is destroyed and then discarded, slumped in a corner, all forlorn.
Parents warn and threaten and offer alternatives...
but in the end the toy is no longer a source of pleasure but pain...
Sometimes it is a book, source of knowledge and information...
Sometimes it is a walking robot, teaching mechanics...
Sometimes it is a stuffed bunny, providing comfort...
Eventually it is damaged beyond repair...
And the break though mended, shows...
And in the corner it is cast away...
While the children move on to something new
Today's Lesson
We were never androgynous... So why is everyone being asked to let go of their identity to form a bland androgynous self? Different appearances do not necessarily have to clash: the rainbow is made of several beautiful and diverse colors which collaborate side by side without trying to taint all the others... the sun is most beautiful at dawn or dusk, when in a kaleidoscope of color it fills the sky with its magnitude and splendor...
I think Mother Nature is trying to teach us a lesson. The Earth that came before us and will remain long after we are gone is trying to instill a sense of plurality and respect... and to teach us that our strength is in our diversity and that unity does not mean obliteration...
However, our "leaders" are hiding behind concrete walls and beneath steel columns, pondering how and when and where they will be able to erase one another and enforce one vision... when in fact the solution is not in erasing, but rather embracing...
We should learn to stand tall and proudly affirm our identity: be it LEBANESE, religious, or sexual... in short, OURSELVES... and we should learn to accept the other whose identity is different without trying to impose ourselves on them. We should learn to try, instead of giving up too soon, or worse, jumping to conclusions; for WE CAN create a wonderful picture of harmony through acceptance and humanity.
BOboum... BOboummmm...
BOboum... BOboum...
pounding headache; is the noise inside my head or around it? i don't know anymore...
BOboum... BOboum...
i miss my friends who are abroad, and i don't fault them for wanting stability; this is the price for leaving your home and family... stability and the possibility of a future...
right now, there is no peace, even its illusion has faded and been replaced with the stark reality: protests, bombs, interviews, statements, posters, flags, camps, and people...we do come at the end of the line, almost forgotten, bearing the brunt of it all... people who have been pulled into a lose-lose situation...
Christmas is just around the corner, but where is the Christmas spirit of love, understanding, joy and giving?? I think it has migrated with the birds fleeing the cold, ugly, winter... the winds have swept through us and left us bare, branches sticking out, piercing the sky, so uncomfortable even the cats do not grace them with their presence... the moon, draped in a veil of clouds, shines warily in the night, casting its eerie glow over protesters and supporters alike... it warns... but who will heed the warning?
BOboum... BOboummmm... echo in my hollow heart... where shadows play in the recesses of a country torn apart by freedom...
"Khallouna n3ich" i.e. Let us live
i have been trying to write for several days now, but my attempts have ended with a few lines and an empty page... what can i say, slogans are thrown left, right, and center, created and appropriated, beautiful words to no avail...
"Badna n3ich" i.e. we want to live! yes we do, but where? and how? in this politically charged context can we still be neutral? even if the options range from bad to worse? this is the dilemma i find myself in... yes, we want to live, and this local phrase that has been adopted by two opposing political forces reflects the will of a people to live with dignity, in union with one another, so that future generations can grow up strong and confident in a country that has their best interest at heart.
Now, people are camped out in Downtown Beirut; they are willing to sacrifice their time and livelihood for change. Not far away, prime minister and ministers are also camping out in a state office to continue going about their daily business. Both want change. Both believe they are doing their civic duty. Both think they have the answer. In fact, i think a screaming match is going on, with accusations being catapulted over protesters and soldiers, landing on deaf ears.
The main difference now, is that instead of being divided according to religious beliefs, the dividing factor is foreign allegiance... we are now looking at 2 boxes of sweets, each containing different flavors, but one that is made in the Arab world, and another made in the Western world. What they do not notice is that they each have an expiry date, after which their manufacturers will forget all about them and start baking the new batch.
Why are we still failing this lesson? How can we live in a battleground? What are we expected to do? Survive? And survive again?
Living is NOT surviving. It is not merely finding a way to reach tomorrow.
Living is having the possibility to dream, to hope, to create, and to excel! Yes, "badna n3ich", we do want to live. And we want our brothers and sisters and parents and grandparents to live too. We want to feel that we are doing the right choice staying here in our country, our home. We want to have the security of knowing we won't be laid off work, that we can depend on our economy, that we are being offered the best health care possible, and that we won't be judged by our religious beliefs or political inclinations. We want to be able to walk down the street without jumping every time we hear a firecracker explode and mistake it for something else, and we want to stop wearing black and mourning people who were taken too soon.
Maybe we too should appropriate the phrase "badna n3ich"... that evolved to "la2nno badna n3ich"... to make it "khallouna n3ich"...
i.e. 1.we want to live... 2.because we want to live... 3.LET US LIVE...
